Man Ray
Bruce Weber
Jonathan Leder
I often wonder what makes a marriage work. I may have no business contemplating things like that, it is just that I see so many unhappy marriages everywhere I look – in my personal life, in novels, in films, in the media – and it makes me feel nervous about the whole institution.
One thing that does give me some hope for marriage is the way that both of my grandmothers speak about their late husbands. Both my grandfathers were alive in my lifetime, but both have been gone for quite some time now. I can only really remember my maternal grandfather, who died when I was in sixth grade, but I have no complete memories of the dynamics of either couple.
Regardless, from what I can understand, both couples exemplified true companionship. My maternal grandmother told me that Tennessee William’s poem, “Your Blinded Hand,” reignited her interest in poetry because it reminded her of how she and her late husband felt about one another. She says they always knew they would find each other if they became separated in a crowd.
Although I never got to know my grandfather on my father’s side, I hear that he perfectly balanced my grandmother’s personality and was sincerely devoted to her. He treated her like a princess, accompanying her on shopping trips, offering her help in the kitchen, and most importantly, cherishing the home that she helped create for their family.
All of it makes me wonder – are marriages these days different than they were in the past? Or, and maybe I shouldn’t suggest this, could my image of my grandparents’ relationships be tainted by the fact that my grandfathers are no longer around?
Rather than entertain the notion that the latter could be true, I like to think that we should all strive for the companionate love that my grandparents experienced. I often wonder if the fact that both couples married young contributed to their happiness; they were able to grow up together, continuing to fit one another into their lives.
In comparison to decades past, something does seem different about marriage today. There is less respect for its permanence. Granted, these are just the musings of a 19-year-old (or, depending on the certification of identity, a 22-year old), and what do I know?
